Standing on Stilts
by LogicBomb.32
Summary: Graduation is supposed to be a day of joy but for Santana Lopez it turns into something very different.


**It's been a long time since I've posted on here. I owe a few of you explanations and I promise you that you shall get them. For now, enjoy this.**

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In times of lesser turmoil, Santana Lopez might have been more apt for a particularly violent and strongly worded outburst. However upon this particular occasion, when piercing words and harsh realities were being thrown in her face like grenades, she simply stood there and let them explode. This took most of the people surrounding the recent graduate by surprise. They, like Santana herself, had been expecting something more a la Lima Heights Adjacent.

It was only Brittany then who, in light of being a second year senior, was more focused on her girlfriend than that particular failure. She noted from across the room and with growing unease the way Santana's shoulders were hunched, her fists clenched and her breathing, rapid. It had all the signs of the Santana everyone was familiar and prepared for. It was, however, not the Santana they all knew.

The graduate standing before them was someone only Brittany recognized and she hated it. She hated recognizing the open terror that Santana fighting so desperately to hide. Everything about her physicality spoke confidence, but it was her eyes that gave her away. Brittany could see the swelling storms, the levees creaking and groaning as Santana's inner demons pounded against them.

This was not the Santana that she had been expecting. Graduating high school being somewhat of an accomplishment, not one that Brittany had yet, but it seemed like a big deal to everyone else. All around them were smiles, tears of joy and flowers and everything that indicated a good time was to be had by all.

All this only seemed to push Santana further away, further down into whatever hole she was spiraling into. And the brash and utterly provoking comment by some jock who still hadn't learnt his place was not having its intended effect.

In any other circumstance, at any other time, she would have whipped around and put the moron in his place. Reminding him that they may be graduates but she still had the higher IQ and would still lay his ass out. Instead she was frozen, frozen in a way that was reminiscent of her very public outing via Finn Hudson.

At least that's what Brittany assumed, she had cornered Rory into telling her everything about the exact moment. And it was only after Irish was done stuttering out his answers that Brittany knew what true horror actually felt like. Not knowing where Santana was scared Brittany. Because all the blond wanted was to wrap her arms around her girlfriend and hold her, hold her tight and never let go.

She was getting the same feeling now.

Crossing the room in seconds, pulled to Santana like a magnet she reached out, with one hand and wrapped it around Santana's wrist and started pulling her away. There was no surprise, no flicker of emotion from Santana as Brittany appeared by her side. Rather, the Latina did nothing to stop her, following, zombie like, as they exited the theater. The silence marked by slamming doors seemed to help the Latina relax a little bit, but Brittany didn't stop, winding around the halls she would traverse for another year, pulling her girlfriend along.

Past the choir room.

Past their lockers.

Past where Santana had been slushied for the first time.

Past the locker room where they had kissed for the first time.

Past all the places where they had memories, memories that tugged on Brittany's heartstrings because next year all she would have is memories.

Finally Brittany stopped, pushing open the door to the hiding spot Santana knew only so well. The abandoned and disheveled locker rooms that lead to the now burned down Gym C. They were supposed to be off limits to students but the janitors liked Santana almost as much as they liked Brittany and had left it unlocked one afternoon.

Brittany had since managed to get her own key.

"I-I can't." Santana whispered, her voice hoarse as she looked up at Brittany with dark, tear filled eyes "I can't do this."

Acting upon instinct, Brittany moved close to Santana, so close that they were inches apart. The blond took Santana's hands in her own and pulled the Latina closer "Do what?" she asked, knowing full well what the answer was.

Santana took a long shuddering breath and said nothing.

Brittany could feel her fighting for composure "Santana" she said gently "it's only me, and you're scaring me. Talk to me please."

It was a gentle plea, one that had worked before, but Brittany was not prepared for the Latina to fling herself around the blond. Wrapping tanned arms around Brittany's torso and shoulders. Resting her forehead on the delicate collarbone and letting out long, gut wrenching sobs.

Brittany could feel Santana's pain, feel it in her own soul because that's how they worked. She was as linked to Santana as you could be to a person and it killed Brittany to see the Latina suffering like this. She wrapped her arms around Santana and hugged her tight, holding her because Brittany knew it was the only thing she could do right now. Words wouldn't fix this; promises of forever wouldn't make the pain go away. The pain would continue, it would ebb and flow through both of them, tearing them apart and making them stronger.

But right now, right now it was killing Santana. Brittany could feel it, she could hear it in the way Santana struggled to breathe and the way Santana was hugging her, as if trying to make them into one person. Brittany wished it could happen, wished that they wouldn't have to be separate for so long, wished that she hadn't failed, wished that she had tried harder, wished so many things. She wished she wasn't the failure her parents thought she was. Wished she could make Santana proud.

Brittany struggled in many things, school being foremost among them, but when Santana had helped her, when Santana was there she was able to understand. The Latina was able to talk her through it in a way that she understood. And Brittany did the same to Santana, reading the Latina better than any book and knowing exactly what she was feeling, thinking and trying not to think about.

Minutes passed as Brittany simply held her lover, as her lover clutched to her as if without the blond, Santana was afraid she might float away. And this was, in essence, the fear that had rooted itself so firmly in the Latina "I-I-I" Santana hyperventilated, trying so hard to talk.

"Hey "Brittany said gently, taking a half step back from the Latina so as to give her room to breathe and calm down "I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere."

"But I am!" Santana cried, turning away from Brittany almost fully and for a half second Brittany was terrified that Santana was going to run.

So on instinct, or maybe love, she grabbed the Latina's wrist and held it tight, not letting go "Don't run from me Santana." She said "Talk to me." And her voice cracked as she plead for Santana to listen.

"I'm not, I'm not running." Santana said quietly, looking Brittany with a tear-streaked face "I told you I wouldn't run, not again. I promised you that."

"Good." Brittany said "But will you talk to me?"

Santana nodded, biting her lip and looking up and away at the ceiling "I" she said after a long moment "I can't leave you Britt."

"I'll be fine here San, you know that. And it's only one year of college."

Santana shook her head "We've been best friends since we were six, that's twelve years that I've had you around. You've always been there and, and Britt, I don't know how to live without you." She paused, looking at Brittany to see if the blond understood what she was getting at.

"Britt, everyone else says that you live in your own world and all that but what they don't know is that I'm right there with you. You and I, what we have, it's different, its special and no one understands it. And I don't know how to go weeks without you. I don't know what I'm going to do without you to come home to. I don't know what I'm going to do because college is scary and it means being yourself and it means that I'm going to be putting myself out there in open all over again. And I don't know if I can do it without you. I could barely do it with you there, I almost pushed you away, ruined what we have, and I almost ruined us. I don't know if I can do that all over again in college. I don't know if I can do it without you."

Silence and understanding passed between them and Santana pulled Britt into a tight hug as the tears started once again "I've spent so long with you in my life I've forgotten what it's like to be without you. I don't want to remember Britt, I don't want to be alone."

It struck Brittany then, the honest to god fear in Santana's voice. Her girlfriend, her best friend, the only person in her life who she trusted and loved unconditionally was afraid of losing Brittany. She was afraid of being alone in a new place. Most of all though, she was afraid of herself.

"Santana Lopez." Brittany said with more love and honesty in her voice than Santana had ever heard "You are the strongest, most frustrating person I've ever know. You think that you have to carry the world on you shoulders and you think you're going to lose me. College is big and scary and new but you're not the same person you were two years ago. You're not the scared little mouse I was in love with. You've accepted a part of yourself that was causing you so much pain and so much grief. And you're so much stronger now. Just because we're going to be three hours apart doesn't mean we won't talk. We can talk every day if you want. And I promise you, I promise you Santana that I'm not going to let you bury yourself. I will steal Sam's car and drive to Louisville myself if I have to." She paused "Not that I'm going to need to because you're going to do just fine on your own. You're a badass Santana and Louisville will know that soon enough. And they'll know you're my badass."

Santana laughed, and Brittany pulled her girlfriend into her once again "I love you Santana. I love you so much and I don't want you to be afraid."

"I love you too Britt." She paused, letting out a breath "I just, I want to be with you. I want to come back to the dorm from classes and practice and just climb into bed with you. I want to be able to help you with homework and have you distract me when homework is driving me crazy. And" she conceded "I want sweet lady kisses whenever I want."

"You promised me forever Santana, you promised me that and I'm not going to let you forget that. It's gunna suck and it's going to be hard but we will make it work because we love each other. And if two people love each other enough then anything is possible."

And that was really it because Brittany said it with such confidence and such finality that Santana couldn't argue. Sure, Santana was still scared and she knew Brittany was too, but they had Skype and cars and cell phones and each other. And in the end, that's all that mattered. Hundreds of miles and maybe a time zone would be between them…but she was Santana fucking Lopez, best friend and girlfriend to Brittany S. Pierce, the one person who knew her better than she knew herself.

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_Thanks. _


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